Guilt
by Yami-chan and Unrealistic
Summary: This takes place during the Final Badge episode. Gary is recovering from the fight. But is there something Gary has to do. [dark oneshot


12-22-01

Guilt

Yami-chan: Konnichiwa minna-san! I just thought I'd send in another depressing fic before Christmas. My way to celebrate is to bring on more angst!

This story takes place during the 'Final Badge' episode. This is after Gary's defeat, Mewtwo's escape, and Ash and Gary defeating Team Rocket.

This fic is about Gary's actions and thoughts after the incident.

WARNINGS!!: Rated PG-13 for a reason. Self-mutilation and maybe some language.

~*~

Gary stared up at the Pokemon Center's clock hanging on the wall. His booted foot tapped the floor impatiently. He looked over his shoulder to see Ash and his friends still inside. They haven't left yet. Gary sighed. His dark brown gaze turned to the clock again. He stared at it, willing it to move, willing time forward so Ash and his friends would leave. Behind him, he heard the door close. They were gone. Gary got out of the chair shakily. He was still a little weak after blacking out earlier. The teen walked up to the desk. "Are they okay?" Nurse Joy looked up from typing on her computer. "It's hard to tell yet. They need more time." Gary sighed once more and tuned around, leaning against the counter. "It seemed they were hit by some psychic attack of exceptional force," Nurse Joy continued. "How much longer?" Gary asked. "About a couple more hours." Gary closed his eyes. Plenty of time. He leaned forward and walked out of the Pokemon Center's main lobby.

~*~

Gary ran a hand through his unruly brown hair, sighed, and then looked into the mirror. He didn't like what he saw staring back at him. A thirteen year old Pokemon trainer, strong and iron-willed, but cold. _And a loser,_ he thought to himself. _How could I have lost? I haven't lost in months! _He slammed a fist into the mirror. The pain from the shattered pieces of glass didn't even faze him. Blood started dripping from the cuts. But still, Gary didn't pay attention. Two of his best Pokemon had fainted. Hurt because of him. Hurt because of his faults and weaknesses. "Damn it!" he yelled out loud. He hit the sink with his bleeding hand. The pain finally hit him. But it seemed distant. Someone else's pain. His Pokemon's pain.

Gary took out the pocketknife out of his pocket. The wooden handle felt warm to his touch. This was the present Gary had received when he was younger from his grandfather. Since Gary had always been outdoors, Professor Oak had given him this knife. Slowly, he opened the blade. In the flickering light of the dying light bulb, it shone dully. With his free hand Gary rolled up the left sleeve of his purple shirt. Cuts and scars, most months old, dotted his skin. Gary smiled grimly. This was the first time he had to do this in months. With some will, he steadied his quivering hand. He almost backed out, put the blade away and forget about this twisted ritual. But…but he had to do it…for his Pokemon. He couldn't live with the guilt. 

Slowly, he positioned the blade to the skin of his forearm, then pressed. Years of during this had taught him how to hide any sounds or whimpers of pain. Blood seeped from the cut, down his arm, and into the white porcelain sink. After a couple of seconds, he lifted the now soiled blade. _That was for Arcanine._ Now he picked out another unmarked piece of flesh. _And this is for Nidoking. _Once more, he cut into his skin. The crimson streams of blood stood out on his now pale skin and the white sink. 

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Are you alright in there?" Ash. Gary flipped the knife back into its handle and shoved it into his pocket. He rolled his sleeve back down, not having enough time to stop the bleeding. Then he finished by running the water and shoving the broken pieces of glass into the trash. The mirror was taken down and placed broken side away from the wall behind the door. He unlocked and opened the door.

Ash stood there, a worried look on his face. Instantly, he noticed the taller boy's pale face. "What's wrong?" "Nothing, loser." Gary brushed past his rival. Ash opened his mouth to argue something back, when he noticed what looked like blood staining Gary's sleeve. He watched Gary sit back down in the main lobby. Ash turned and walked into the bathroom. Everything looked fine. Though it looked like there should be something over the sink. Ash shook his head. _It must be my imagination._ Then, just as he was walking out, he noticed two drops of something on the floor. He bent down. _Blood?!_ Ash looked back out at Gary, who he could barely see from this position. Then he stood. 

__

What's wrong, Gary?

End

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Yami-chan: I'm getting darker everyday. Unrealistic help me!!!!!!!


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